An Awakening

I haven't woken up next to David in four months now... Every morning feels a bit more devastating then the last. I have a picture of us by my bed... pretty much right next to my head. It's a picture of us at the YWAM base... it was his farewell party before he left for Iraq. I love the picture. It's US. No sparkling lights, moons, or stars... just US. I can't stop looking at it. I wonder when it's going to sink in. I never imagined myself with out David. Sounds so cliche, I know!

I had a rude awakening today. I can't count on anyone! I shouldn't. David is the only person who wouldn't let me down, because he thought about me before himself. He's the most self-less person I know. Depending on anyone else just wouldn't be fair... to them... or to me. I miss David. I miss his strength. I miss hearing his voice. I never took his words lightly. That's why he could make me laugh so hard and cry so deeply. When he spoke, all the loud thoughts in my head would come to a whisper so I could take in what he'd have to say. I love discussing things with him! God, work, friends, our future, our kids...The Hills and Flavor of Love ; ) ... ANYTHING! I love asking him questions! David is the only one who would be able to make sense out of all of this for me. He is my best friend. God, help me.

Please Wake Up!

It's been twelve days since David's death. Wow.... I can't believe I just said that... "David's Death." It doesn't seem real! I can't fully grasp all this... the idea of David being gone. It's been almost three days since I've last had a good cry. Is something wrong with me? This is all sooo impossible!! David isn't here?! How can I survive without MY LOVE? It has to be a dream.